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So first, let me congratulate you for what you’ve done thus far and tell you how glad I am that fate intervened in your suicide plans. As one of the empathetic posters on my wrote (having read your question): “You’ve faced down the demons, and that takes courage.” Indeed, and your question prompted others to tell their midlife coming-out stories, nearly all with a similar refrain: “I know exactly how difficult it was for you.” “You are a strong and brave person, and should be proud of yourself. I am.” Still others, like you, shared the fact that they had also tried to commit suicide. One woman who came out at 45 wrote me: “I tried suicide times and thank God I was a failure at it. I’m now in a committed relationship of 15 years and my and grandkids my spouse.” For those of our generation, coming out seemed so unthinkable that of us — and I count myself among the group — considered taking our own lives rather than face our identities. Back in the day it was ed “the that dare not speak its name” for good reasons. But what to do about your neighbors and friends? I suggest first that you consider whether a different denomination might be a better fit for you. (Alas, I think it would be impossible to find a different Southern Baptist congregation that doesn’t follow the church’s national policy, which states: “Homosexuality is not a ‘valid alternative lifestyle.'”) churches today have inclusive and loving policies of acceptance for all. people. The Rev. Fischbeck, vicar of the Church of the Advocate, an Episcopal Church in Chapel Hill., said, "There are resources online such as and that list churches and communities that welcome and affirm. folks. Fortunately, that list is growing.” But even a change in your churchgoing not solve the problem, as I’m sure you’ll have to face your neighbors and former friends in other everyday situations. I would give them some (more) time to adjust to this news about your sexuality. From your e-mail it sounds as though you came out only a scant months ago.

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